how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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