so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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