): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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