Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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