Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
