I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
