We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
