So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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