i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
