tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
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I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
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That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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