i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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