My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
