My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
