that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
