Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
