i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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