He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
