were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
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