You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
