The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
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My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
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Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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