I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
