Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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