This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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