Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
