"it" just moved
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
