i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
