I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
