my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
