You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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