Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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