yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
