Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
