There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
