Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
