I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
