you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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