Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
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I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
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My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
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