yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
