she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Randomize
