He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
