if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
