Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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