My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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