Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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