That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I wish I only lived at night.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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