Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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