Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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