just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
