Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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