i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
