Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
