i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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