she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
