i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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