peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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