Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Randomize
