I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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