I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
My cat gives me a boner
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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