Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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