I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
