I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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