I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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