I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
