one two three fourrrrnication!
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
The Olympian is in my bed
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
