She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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