I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
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He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
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i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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