You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
The police scanner is talking about you again....
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Randomize
