Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
