life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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