whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
