I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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