so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
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