dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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